All The Difference In The World
by HedwigBlack
Summary: The Dark Mark is beginning to grow darker on Severus' arm, and Dumbledore questions his motivations...


For the Ultimate Death Eater Contest

And for the 100 Characters Competition with the prompt: stars

And for the Character Diversity Boot Camp with the prompt: light

* * *

Severus pauses during his nightly round of the castle and comes to stand at a window. He is restless and uneasy which is not unusual, but on this particular night, pacing the dungeons will just not do. It is more than paper-grading and daily inconveniences that are weighing on his mind tonight.

He rests his hands on the stone wall and peers out the window. The Hogwarts grounds are quiet aside from the distant noises of the Beauxbatons horses near Hagrid's cabin. The stars are bright, but the moon is in its early phase, so little can actually be seen. He trains his eyes on the only visible sign of life, which caught his attention in the first place. The Durmstrang ship sits peacefully in the middle of the lake and all is dark but for a single light at the stern. It appears he is not the only one still awake. And he is quite sure who it is and why.

He gently pushes the window open and allows the cool breeze to brush against his face. He pulls up his sleeve, the left one, and the coolness of the night air affords a temporary relief for the uncomfortable sensation on his arm. It's a prickling he hasn't felt for well over a decade, and even he cannot pretend that it isn't disturbing. He looks down at the faded, ugly tattoo and he can see how his ghostly pale skin is tinged red around the edges. It's as though it is being etched slowly, tortuously into his flesh all over again. And it's starting with the hideous skull; the eyes peering back at him, daring him to deny what he is, what he's always been deep down. Death Eater, Slytherin, mistaken…

"Severus."

Severus jumps at the greeting as Dumbledore comes to stand next to him. His first instinct is to shake his sleeve down over the offensive mark, but of course, his companion has already seen it. Ever the perceptive one, he is, Severus thinks. It's just as well. He wouldn't be able to hide it for long.

Dumbledore reaches over and grasps his forearm in both hands, studying the Mark with interest as if it were a particularly interesting insect in a jar. He doesn't seem surprised at how dark it has become, and Severus instantly becomes annoyed. The old man clearly knows more than he lets on, but he never sees fit to share his insight. Dumbledore ignores his icy glare and releases his arm before directing his attention outside.

"Has Karkaroff approached you about it yet?" he asks conversationally, nodding his head toward the ship.

Severus scowls and clenches his fists. "Not yet."

"When he does, you shall be sure to inform me."

"Of course."

They continue to stand like that in silence. For Severus's part it is an uncomfortable silence. He is waiting for Dumbledore to enlighten him as to what he knows but isn't sharing. The meaning behind the Dark Mark's appearance is obvious; Severus has always believed Dumbledore's insistence that the Dark Lord is capable for returning to his full strength. And Potter's involvement in all things suspicious surely has something to do with it. Isn't that always the way?

His curiosity finally overcomes his determination to appear disinterested. "What do you know?"

Dumbledore cocks his head. "Oh, I don't _know_ anything."

Severus rolls his eyes. "What do you suspect, then?"

"I strongly suspect, Severus, that very soon there will come a time when you will have to choose a side."

"I thought I already had chosen a side," Severus says through gritted teeth. "What do you think I have been doing all this time? I've been…"

"The question is," Dumbledore interrupts him gently, "are you on Lily Evans' side or are you on my side?"

At the mention of Lily's name, Severus feels his jaw clench of its own accord. The man has nerve to bring her up, let alone to speak in riddles without fully explaining himself. "What does that even mean?"

"I mean will you help me? Not just for Lily's sake because you made a promise, or because you want revenge, but because it is the right thing to do."

Severus meets the blue gaze for the first time. There is no mischievous glint in the man's eyes behind his spectacles. There is no hint of boyishness that somehow always manages to grace his expression. There is only a pleading look that Severus finds unnerving; it sickens him the way the man can look at him with such optimistic hopefulness.

And honestly, some days he doesn't know why he does anything anymore. He simply does what he is told. It's how he's come this far without losing his mind and it's what he promised Dumbledore all those years ago. And Lily? She is the only thing he has ever been sure of, and he will hold onto the memory of her for as long as he can.

Even if that is Potter's son.

Dumbledore interprets his silence, though what he makes of it, Severus doesn't know. He never knows. The older man only looks slightly disappointed which makes him even angrier, though he isn't sure why.

"Goodnight, Severus." He turns to walk slowly down the corridor in the direction of his office.

And Severus surprises even himself when he calls down to him, disturbing the silence that still reigns over the castle. "What does it matter why I do it? What difference does it make?"

Dumbledore turns and smiles sadly at him. "All the difference in the world." And then he disappears around the corner, leaving Severus to question everything he thought he knew.

* * *

It's not until years later that Severus and Dumbledore finally understand each other. It happens in the headmaster's office during a moment of rash, unadulterated impulsiveness that leaves them both astonished.

A Patronus in the form of a doe flies out the window. Severus slumps his shoulders in defeat.

"All this time?"

Dumbledore looks at him as if he's never seen him before while Severus thinks the question is rather absurd. Doesn't the man know it's always been for Lily?

"Always."

Dumbledore is smiling at him now, and the conversation about who's going to kill who seems to be forgotten for the moment. Instead, it seems they've come back to finish one they started two years ago.

Severus shakes his head at the headmaster's reaction in confusion. "What?"

"Don't you know by now, Severus?" Dumbledore asks. "Love makes all the difference in the world."


End file.
